Home - Meth Topics  Letters & Stories - Message Board - Chat Room - Slang Names - Anti-Meth Sites

Cleaning up Labs  Physical Damage  Resources for Teachers   Research Articles  Recommend Reading

Methamphetamine: Stories and Letters of the Hidden Costs
by Users, Loved Ones, and Parents

   I know my story is not that different from other people that have gone through things that are so similar then myself. But here goes.
   Last November 22, 2008 I had spoke to my daughter shortly wishing them a happy thanksgiving day with their family in Arizona, which are a very supportive family. Later that day I received a call that both of my daughters Tabitha 24, and Heather 19, 2 of my 4 grand children Cody 2, and Ashleigh who was 10 months old at the time, were hit by a drug driver on their way home on Sunday. Tabitha’s boyfriend where driving, Chad. Tabitha had looked back and noticed that Cody had unbuckled his seatbelt and she un-buckled her seatbelt to lock him back in. As she turned around, they were hit by a drunk driver going 90 miles an hour going down the road. That was thrown 20 ft from the van; Heather was asleep in the back and was thrown 30 ft. Since they things were tough for the girls. Tabitha worried about her children, but pleaded to god to give her another chance and allow her to be a good mother to her children; she said she was not ready to go. As she looked at the spinning sky.
      Heather on the other hand was out and was suffering with bleeding of the brain. Both of them were pretty broken up. They both suffered road rash over their body. Tabitha had a broken pelvic, broken knee, and shin, ankle. (However she also knew she had four children she loved and needed to get better in order to take care of her children.) Heather had a busted knee cap and broken ankle and doctors said they bones in her foot were so bad that they did not know if she was going to be able to walk for a while. (They had a hard time finding bones to put together.) Possibly a year from that time she would not be able to walk. While Heather was in the hospital she was a bit difficult however the nurses assured me patients with head trauma usually are. They said she was politely rude. Anyways when she was finally taken to her room in the on the Trauma room floor, I went to see her, actually both of my girls running from room to room, helping the nurses take care of my girls by bathing them, and washing their hair. One of the days, I asked my daughter if she thought she could possibly get into the wheelchair to come and see Heather because she was refusing to have shots in her stomach, which she needed in order to stop clotting to her heart. She said yes! She would do whatever she could to encourage her. It was a fight but Heather does look up to her sister and did it finally. Then Heather mentioned that someone had groped her and was kissing her all over her body. I told Heather I didn’t think that was possible, and if that was the case why didn’t she yell? She said because she was in pain and needed her meds. I looked at Tabitha and asked her what she thought? Was it the brain injury? Luckily Tabitha mentioned it to the head nurse what her sister had said, and looked into it, and found out it was true, for not only my daughter but another girl on the floor as well. They caught him and arrested him.
  This is just part of my crying story. My daughter Tabitha turned out to be a fighter. She got to come home a week before Christmas with excitement only to find out that she had become so addicted to the medicine the almost a month being in the hospital. She ended up 2 days before Christmas in the ER until they could get her over the withdrawal of all the heavy meds they had put her on. She finally got better and decided not to take anymore of the medicine with the thought of being sick and not being able to eat... She finally got better and kept pushing more and more to make herself better for her and her kids. I’m proud of her.
   Heather on the other had could not attend the same rehab and was put into another hospital across the valley. She was depressed that she was so far from her sister, and her family was not able to see her as often as Tabitha. I was there being grandma, mother, and helper in the hospital as much as possible. It was hard but I also did what I had to do, along with my children’s grandmother, father, and Tabitha’s boyfriend. Finally I came back home to Ga to think everything finally would be alright, even though the girls had still a long ways to go.
   As my saga continues, my daughter Heather was lonely, depressed at the fact she was in a wheelchair, not being able to walk, and having to stay home instead of being 19 along with the rest of her friends. She soon meet a school friends, they hit if off, she called me and told, MOM he is the one. Of course all of the boys she has meet has been the one. They hit it off and she told me things about him. I told her I didn’t believe this boy is the one for her. He had a kid out of high school, was not working and blamed his mother for being a Meth addict. He cried to her how badly his mother was treating him, yet had no where else to turn. What to do? I guess one night he was coming out that way to see her, he had been pulled over and was arrested for a suspended license and a warrant for his arrest. Heather was so upset she asked a friend to pick her up and take her to his house so that she could go with his mother and help him get out. While she was their, I believe she was doing Meth with Matt’s mother. I told her I hope she doesn’t do it anymore because I did a lot of research on the drug and it’s the worst out there. She told me she could not be addicted to it.
  She then a couple of days later went off to see her sister Tabitha, who called me and told me Heather was higher then a kite driving. I asked whose car? Tabitha said it was Matt’s mother. I was shocked. Anyways for 2 months she stayed out there. I couldn’t get anyone to go and get her out of there. I was worried sick, and the only answer I got was she is 19. Recently she came home, asked her father if her and Matt could stay with him. He said just for a couple of days, however he was not going to support a grown man, (Her father works 12 hours) When he came home he noticed both Heather and Matt sleeping on the floor.. She said he had to leave. Heather then said I can not let him be homeless alone. I spoke to my daughter Tabitha and she told me, again Heather was high at her son’s birthday party and told her sister she wasn’t sure she would be able to get off the Meth, that she was addicted. She said her sister would open up more then that because there were too many family members around. Her father then called me after her b-day and said Heather is on Meth and I believe Matt is too. She left and I haven’t a clue what I should do. He called the sheriff’s office about them staying in an abandon house. And now she had stolen over $100.00 of change out of his house. However did not press charges but will if she made another attempted. Since all of this mess.. she has said and told her boyfriend she just wants to die. I know that is not my daughter speaking, it’s the drugs. I’m scared for her and her life? I don’t know who or where I can turn in order to get help before the drug take over her mind along with the 21 yr old boyfriend. This has been the craziest nightmare that seems as though it’s never going to end. Everyone I have spoken to have said she has to hit bottom before wanting help or has to ask for the help herself. If you have any idea’s that can please help I would greatly appreciate it. I don’t want to find her dead in the dessert. If you can give me any advice I would appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.
   Today July 5, my ex husband called me, saying my daughter was taken out of the town they live in, and was dropped off at a truck stop by the sheiff. My ex called them because they were living in a empty house doing meth. The sheiff spotted them picked them up, my daughter and her boyfriend and told them not to show up again in the town. She didn't have her wheelchair, nor did she have her crutches. I know this is about tough love.. and I feel she'll die any way either from the drug or the hot weather. She now has no money, and basiclly homeless. I lost in my thoughts..
-- Thank you, A mother

  hi,im Greg.and i was a user for 15 yrs more on than off.the addiction to meth has many many aspects that Will control your life.I am a christian and thought that i could beat the addiction..as a believer in Christ i thought i could have a chance against this evil monster known as ice ,glass,crystal and many other names.,,when i used meth it seemed i could forget my morals,especially in themind which is really getting attacked whenever you use.the devil is taking advantage of people using this drug!believe me, cause he is the father of lies and the biggest liar from the beginning...the only way to get away from this crap is to STOP hanging out with the friends you associate with crank!it is better to be lonely than to hang out with these so-called friends...When i finally decided to quit,this time for Good..i have been blessed with a good job,a girlfriend that has never used drugs and a new aspect on the falsehood and manipulating tactics that tweekers use.i just want to say a quick prayer to anyone who is using..Lord.just give your spirit and wisdom to whoever wants to overcome this dangerous drug,and that they would just give it over to You..in His holy name...
--Greg

   Hello people. My name is Wayne and im an ex user from drugs who was on almost everything drug related, but meth was my conclusion to my destruction. Got 2 1/2 yrs of clean time on my belt from meth but it doesnt even feel like a f**king day, an hour, 30 minutes with out gettting some kind of thought from it. I just want peace from it but i know i cant get that because of the physical and mental problems i received from abusing it. Had my life infront of me and i let it take it away from me so easily, like i wanted it to and had no say over it but did because i had a choice like all of us do, do good or, do bad...Im 26 and feel like im in my middle 30's inside. Im so beat up from all those nights staying awake and wasteing my life away. Rather then going to class to learn how to cook, id rather be in my dorm room in frisco smokeing meth and trying to find a girl to have sex with all night. Just to say that kills me because its ugly and i became ugly, disgusting to probably have people not want to be around me because i see it when i look in the mirror and tell myself i hate you when i wish i didnt because i say that because i want my life back, like that movie the Shawshank Redemption when Morgan says in close to the end, "I just want things to make sense again so i wont have to feel scared all the time" <--- what it exactly says yo! I hate feeling so scared. Just f**king scared to wake up and except the next day when i was never expecting it to be ok because i wasnt ok, because i was so high and took modivation away, grow to be someone, leave the child and grow to be an adult, successful, just happy and not scared all the time. My shadow people still haunt me at night and i cant believe it..maybe its from the nights and still not being able to get a good nights rest because im so lost in my mind, so many thoughts on my mind from the past of my war on drugs till now, staying clean, fighting for my sobriety, trying to keep a job in these tough times, have friends, REAL friends, have family love me for who i am someday which they cant and i dont blame them. Drugs dont just hurt me, they hurt them so much, cry just like me at night when i was down fallin and i would call them so jittery, worry them, bring hell to not just me, to them at thier door steps and its something hard to get over for many out their, like mine i see everyday. I look so beat up still, fatigued, weight gain, like im eating my cravings away so much, contantly. Id rather eat then pick up that bubble i'll tell you that much, but the weight needs fixing. Tryin to get my own place again so i can have my peace from my mom and how i burden her it seems like when i have to live here. She worries and i dont blame her. Get my place when i have money saved and a job on the side to keep it, like i know i can because ive been doing. Just the economy and the way it is kicked me out of Bend, OR, lost my small business with my business partner and had to move because he was upset to have me for a roomate i guess, took it hard, who knows? I alone, had friends their, had a life taking away when i was making one but nothing never works out how you want it to, like you have no controll of the next day, week, month, shit just happens, that famous quote..i just need peace people! I want to be able to wake up and feel ok. I cant believe what meth and my addictions have done to me and i wish every god dame day i could take it all back because i wouldnt be struggleing so bad, i could get my life back! For those of you struggleing to stay clean, or still using and want to get off the shit know you are not alone if you feel like you are and know one understands because i do...stop now before its to late for you, save anything you got left in you thats still human because your body is crying inside and whats you to help it. i will never do it again, the insanity from it i got and everyday is so hard now....do your body a favor and give it a chance, people a chance again, it will be worth it in the long run because we might find that happiness that drugs, specially meth in my opinion cant give us. Thanks for hearing me out you guys and take care.
--Wayne

   This is the first time have even researched meth on the internet. My husband was a heavy user and quit in 2003, after I had him arrested and put hospital for mental evaluation in 2003. I am sick at the thought of having to relive this horrible nightmare. Have any of you had this experience with a loved one being clean and going back? If so, what do your experiences have to offer. He did get professional help for a period time, became very active in our church and even hooked up with the local Sheriffs Department to talk to addicts. He is also an alcoholic which helps to hide some of the symptoms and he has never been thin. My new clues were staying up for 48 hours at a time, sweating and being agitated easily and screaming and cussing me. I am getting a drug test today and going home to approach him with it. Pray for me, it is a lose/lose situation. I know something is wrong.
-- Disgusted

   My name is Jane and I am 19 this year. I stumbled across this website while I was googling 'symptoms of meth use' because I'm afraid that my boyfriend of over 3 years is an ice addict. I, too have also, have used meth and almost every drug under the sun in the past, with the exception of mushrooms and acid -- however, I didn't feel dependent on any of the drugs; except meth. My experiemental with drugs began at the age of 15 when I popped my first pill, then escalated into meth, then cocaine, and 2 times of herione. I also used weed, often accompained with meth, during the midst of my addiction. As I'm sitting here and writing this to you, I struggle to remember the exact details of the period of my life which was shrouded by meth use. I would say that I've probably used meth for about a year with increased seriousness towards the end. Towards the end I would probably smoke about 1/2 gram in a 2/3 day period, where I would 'top up' every 3 hours or so, often it was accompainied with increased paranoima and psychosis. I recall hallucinating images of Virgin Mary, flying dragons and moving stationary in the depth of my flirtation, or perhaps addiction, with meth. There were also times were I was ashamed to look at myself in the mirror, ashamed of who and what I have became. I am a bright girl, with a thrist of literature, travelling and a compassionate person, however, as my descent into meth darkens I became a shadow of my former self. My world kind of disappeared and a world of a deadly afixiation on when I would score my next hit of meth was prodominate. I would wake up at 6 in the morning with the pretence of taking a walk when I would smuggle my pipe and a lighter into the blue-lit public toilet of my local park to smoke meth. Sometimes when the urge to 'top up' was too overwhelming I would smoke meth off my mother's soup spoon in the comfort of my bedroom with my father and mother sleeping in the next room. I never had to buy meth, I would score it of 'friends' who cooked the stuff or older friends who would take advantage of my hunger of meth and I would bed them as payment. They say sex feels better when you're on meth, but while he was doing me all I could think about was when it would be over so I could have some more. Soon enough, two of my closest friends joined in on the 'fun', we would smoke up together and giggle about the rush. We felt like it brought us closer, but in reality, we became more detached, we would fight over the meth and spend much of our time talking so ferociously fast that we thought only we could understand each other. In retrospective, all we were doing was talking gibberish. My wake up call came in the form of 1/2 gram and 5 stitches to my finger because I cut it open right to the bone simply because I was so dettached and numb. Mother cried, Father cried, they talked about me all the time too. They suspect it, but they like to think that it's not their daughter who this is happening to. Father found my pipe and foil in my room yet I denied it, I said I was smoking panadol, and I think they knew, but they didn't want to believe it. Truthfully, I can't recall much of what occured during that year, some memories simply fade in and out at me. But I remember the last
--Jane

Meth's mental abuse on a non user
   I would like to share my story of being involved with a meth user (i myself never was) however the effects of his use destroyed me as a person, who i was, my values, lost my good credit standing, recently lost my job. He took me to the pits of hell and left me there helpless and I now am trying to get back my life. Below is my story.
   I was recently divorced never thought at 48 I would ever be divorced from my husband of 20 years but he wanted to go relive his youth with another. I was really not interested in dating until my friend encouraged me to get a life get on a dating sight on the interent. So i though,ok maybe she was right after 5 months maybe it was time to start thinking about dating once again so I did.
   I met this man his name was John 6 ft tall dark hair goatee very nice looking man and his charm and witt just captivated me. He was a biker yet not the bad kind but the good kind...He owned his own business and appreared to be the man of my dreams ...The thrill of being on the bike with him and his taking me to all the biker events was a new unknown life for me. I got so consumed in it, I began drinking with him, he wasa heavy gambler and I never had been to the casino beforem his influence got me into gambling stayng up all hours of the night partying ( smoking pot something I hadn't done in 30 years). One day while at home with him he must of felt i was trust worthy enough to pull his meth out and ask if i wanted any and i said no that's ok don't use the stuff and he let it go at that. for the time being. He often though out our relationship would ask me from time to time if i wanted any and i held firm on my answer NO! but as time went on the temptation began to form instead of meth I got into coke with him anything to fit in with this man, I lost myself to him i felt so consumed with him i would do anything to make him happy and in the end it lead me nowhere but to the bottom of the pit.
   I started to notice behavior changed in him Jeckel/Hyde type of things, he became mean to me and at this point I loved him (maybe it was a rebound love but i knew this man I wanted) he would yell at me so, keep telling me he didn't want a relationship ......So ok as hard as that was for me to accept I stopped seeing him. After about a week he would come waltzing back in my life. I was moving to another city over the bridge as my company was relocating same place as John lived, he had me move in with him said stay as long as you want no need to rush and get an apartment.........well after a week and a half he woke in the night screaming at me were F-ing living together get out!! I am like what ?? he repeated get out!!! So i called a friend in the middle of the night and left, next day I rented my own apartment...........I told John i would be coming for my stuff only to be told why did you go get an apartment there was no rush. I was like WTF??? You just told me to get out! Our relationship progressed once again he doesn't like to be alone and he encouraged me to get a motorcyle as he told me he liked a woman with her own ride and out of desperation not to loose this man i did, I took the course learned how to ride and bought my own Harley which is the only thing i have left.
   A lot went on to much to really type as i would be writting a book.........Last September he threw me out once again, this time it was for an old meth head girlfriend that i thought was a thing of his past which in reality it wasn't they had been broken up for the first 7 months i dated him she had a bike living where ever she could was a looser didn't work spent johns money used him for meth but yet he loved her.....I did so much for him and got so consumed with him as he stole my soul and took me to hell with him. He moved her back into his place in September broke my heart, I was devistated, here i went and got me a bike to make him happy floated him money when he needed it at the casino, let him verbally absue me as i was trying to be understand to him as he himself had a bad divorce 4years prior and lost 100's of thousands of dollars from his business he wasn't right, serious rage and parinoia, I tried to show him what love could really be.
   Well a month after she moved in , I heard from him things weren't good with them, she eventually left him again in October so back he came to me,said how sorry he was to let such a good person as me go etc..............so we got back together for about 3 weeks and then she came back and he kicked me to the curb. This has happened 14 times since September she leaves and he let's her back for us it may last two week up to a month,before he takes her back once again, actually i was just kicked to the curb over July 4th weekend. He told me he shouldn't be bringing her back he knows she uses him, spends his credit cards play's on the internet with other men belittles him , as his once thriving business is going down the tubes with his meth abuse and gambling, during the times i have been with him i was doing his bookkeeping, he hasn't any employees left he could no longer pay them. he told me to always remember that he loved me, i was a good soul and i have shown him more love and understanding than any other woman in his life and if he were to ever marry again it would be me, but his heart belongs to this other meth head , he said he doesn't no what is wrong with him to want to take a woman such as her back and until he can break free from her there never will be a us, however he did say it will not last and for me to believe in him he always keeps me on that string, he likes to know i am waiting in the wings for him and sadly to say i have been every time. I see the good in this man the inner man that so want his life back and i always think i can save him but i can't no matter what i do i just can't save him. The only thing i have done is let him take control of my life my emotions my thoughts he played me so smooth and each time he has kicked me to the curb and came back he would say how sorry he was how much he loved me how good i was for him as while i was there i was working full time at my job and then staying up till wee hours of the morning working on his busines to get it turned around and back on track, he is in thousands of dollars in debt to vendors, he is loosing clients he has no ambition just to snort that shit up his nose all day long. He had rode a bike for 25years and there it has set in his garage for the past 4 months torn in pieces because it won't run and he hasn't the interest to try to fix it.the only interest he had is the meth and will he win big on that next spin at the casino.......he cashes checks for the work he does do illegally doesn't claim it in his business taxes there are thousands of dollars in x-files of cashed checks that he worries someday the gov will catch up with him, he is so f-ed up and beyond repair yet i still love this man and only wish i could get him to see th light because i have seen the good man inside of him but all that shows on the outside is hate, parinoia, and he is falling fast at 50. he will die from his meth use he already has thebody twitches, the intense muscle pain, his teet are sensitive, and after he snorts he tears his shirt of complaining it is to hot inside and that is not the reason he is frying his body from the inside out with the chemicals they put in meth. i am just thankful i had enough strength to never touch that stuff.the coke was bad enough i did but i haven't touched that in over 2 months now and i no longer smoke pot.
   What he has done for me for over the past year he had taken everything from me, i had a beautiful mustang that i worked so hard to get it's gone..via repossesion..........my credit cards were never used and now there maxed, i became a gambler and lost thousands he kept me so mentally twisted got me to believe he was the victim that everyone was out to get him and sucked me in to feel sorry for him i recently was fired from my job because i couldn't function the depression he laid upon me, the hurt of him tossing me like trash, the twisting of my mind he did , the games he has played over and over with me, i am so broken and does he care? nope..............he says he loves me yet never the proof has been shown if that was the case he would not of brought his meth head girlfriend back yet another time to steal from him treat him like crap once again until she leaves again and back he will come but this time i will be strong enough i hope to shut the door in his face i have lost all i have, i have one month to find a job and if not i will become homeless my worst nigthmare..I have never been fired from a job in my life...........life is pretty grim right now. so my advice to anyone who is in love with a meth head RUN for your life were not god and we can't save them no matter what we try to do to make them happy
--Sonya

There is Hope...
   I have had an experience with Meth and ended up broken and almost dead. I was only involved in it for a very short time, less than a year and a half, but it changed my entire life. As of today I have been clean and sober for 4 1/2 years and have very strong feelings about ridding our country of this menace.
    When I was using meth I could not stop, even knowing I could get caught and face a prison sentence. I just wanted to be high. I tried everyday to stop. I would start a new day and swear never to use again and before the sentence was even out of my mouth I would have a needle in my arm. I shot that ice up 3 or 4 times a day....never really getting nay higher than the last shot. Searching for that rush. I was in my 6 th month of a 8 month probation and could not quit using. I did horrible things to pass my drug test, drank bleach water, used other peoples urine in a condom put where the sun doesnt shine (nasty) but everntually got caught, thank God. Isn't that something to be thankful that I was caught and unjustly sentenced to 3 years in prison, did 16 long months. I was the perfect inmate, never in any trouble, did my job well, still got denied parole at 9 months. (Lawyers and district attny. said I would do no more then 6 months. In my personal opinion I did too long for my crime. My crime involved no violence and hurt noone physically but me. Anyway that is another story in itself, our justice system for drug charges definatly needs to be overhauled). Anyway, Now i had to stop.... and believe it or not....as much as I hated the judge that sentenced me I am grateful now. Being incarcerated was my saving grace.
   Meth is an almost impossible drug to stop. When using it, it makes you feel invincible, untouchable. Little do you know , you are neither, you are only vulnerable. Vulnerable to violence, hatred, sickness and sorrow. It tricks your mind and numbs your emotions. You loose all sense of reality. I am one of the lucky ones that made it out with my mind and health still intact. The drug eventually sent me to prison for 16 months of incarceration. A place I never want to return to. A place where you are told what to wear, when to sleep, what to eat and when to shit. A hell on earth. Extremely dangerous place. I met many many other woman there, who had succomb to the lure of meth. Many of them very sick covered in sores, loosing their hair and teeth, suffering from everything from hepetitis to HIV. Others not so lucky. Crazy from the damage meth does to the brain.
    I am grateful that I am out of that lifestyle....as I said I was only involved in it for around 16 months, hmmm what a coincedence, that is the amount of time I served, but that was long enough to do major damage to my life. I lost everything material wise. Almost lost my family but by the grace of God, they didn't dispose of me. I lost my confidence and self esteem. I am slowly getting it back, but it isn't easy. Everytime I looked for a job in the beginning, that "felony" charge would screw me from getting a job. I eventually overcame that and do have an awesome job now. I have a bit of a weight problem now also.... can't ever seem to loose it, no matter how little I eat or how much I exercise. My family is finally after 4 1/2 years beginning to believe in me once again. I also had a one very good friend that survived through all this with me....he is now my husband. We have been married for 3 years and 3 months. He is my rock of gilbrater. I am strong by myself but the two of together are inpenetrable.
    I have tried to keep this a secret but unfortunatly it happened. Keeping it to myself is not healthy. I just don't want people to judge me by my past, I will be judged by the good Lord soon enough . If you must judge me, judge me by who I am today, not yesterday or last year or 5 years ago. That is the past....as my best friend says Past is Peoples Adversities Serving Time. I have been judged enough I have served enough time for my mistakes. If you have read this far, thank you for listening. There is hope, don't ever give up. I hope and pray that someday, somehow meth will be destroyed, but it never will....it just evolves as society evolves....is society really evolving.... now that is a deep subject.
    To those that are struggling... I could tell story's that would make your skin crawl, but there is no sense in rehashing all that shit. I am just thankful that I lived through it and can honestly tell you there is hope.
--G

Send your story NOW! Email letters to kcimeth@yahoo.com

Index of Stories & Letters
Selected Meth Message Board Topics

Search only this SITE  by keyword or topic using Google's Search Engine!
(make sure www.kci.org is selected below)

	Web www.kci.org